Pre Traumatic Stress Disorder

Today I will not eat. Because tomorrow I will have my first colonoscopy.

I do not remember, in 46 years, having skipped a meal. I have never fasted. And since my daughter's anorexia diagnosis in 2002, I have been a pretty firm supporter of three squares and two snacks.

For the past week I have had odd rules about eating imposed on me: for 7 days eat no X, stop eating Y for 5 days prior, skip Z 3 days before. And today it is drinking only, and only certain colors.

Yes, it is ironic. I am going through the motions of anorexia. And how do I feel?

Really scared. Panicked, almost. My associations, emotionally, with restricting food and rule-based eating are traumatic and aversive. I actually almost bailed on the whole thing last night in a moment of fear.

But in bizarre Maudsley style, I've got my team. Hubby is doling out the love and my son is prepared with the kisses. One day. And tomorrow, you'll be interested to hear, my recovered daughter is coming home from college for the weekend -- to help re-feed me.


  1. Okay, Olympia- dish it out to your dear old mom old school. No mercy!

    Good luck, Laura. Hope everything goes well.

  2. All the best for the procedure, and I'm sure ALL of your family will care for you afterwards.

  3. Laura,
    I can understand all the emotions this brings up. It really is tough getting through all those old memories. It's wonderful that you'll have your whole family by your side. But, of course, you're a Maudsley Team!

    If it helps you feel any better, I've had a couple of colonscopies. (I'm a bit older than you). The preparation is, by far, worse than the procedure. Hang in there. I'll be thinking of you.

    Good Luck!!

  4. You know what? I don't recall one darn thing from my colonoscopy...except that it was the best sleep I'd had in ages and I was mad when they woke me up!!

  5. Virtual ((Hugs)) and wishing you the most loving home recovery with your family surrounding you Laura!


  6. what goes around comes around ;)

    good luck tomorrow!


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