Bothered. Bothering. Why?

Peevish sulk alert.

This morning is one of those times - they happen every once in a while - when I ask myself why I'm living this very public life in pursuit of a cause. Why blog/comment/post/twitter/facebook/respond/show up/engage/reach out/network?

I wonder why I handle the disapproval and disdain of lots of people but a handful of individuals manage to wound me so personally.

This is the kind of morning I start planning the end game. I had a life that I'd like to go back to. I have a life ahead of me that is far more private and quieter.

Most days I have an answer to those questions: because it helps, because I'm human, and "not yet but soon."

Today, I confess, the answers are: "not sure," "inexplicable," and "how about today?"

I'll see how I feel tomorrow.

I'm not fishing for support here, just doing an "ecological assessment" in public - which I guess answers the question of "why blog?"


  1. Fishing or not, thank you for my daughter's life and also thank you for the inspiration you gave me to help others. We had a success this week - one mouthful at a time, Laura, one mouthful at a time

  2. "This morning is one of those times - they happen every once in a while - when I ask myself why I'm living this very public life in pursuit of a cause."

    Because you are saving lives. Because it shows someone cares. Because you are raising awareness where no one else has.
    Because you open people's eyes.
    Because you are showing that we matter.

    And because we are grateful.

  3. Your blog is a lifeline. Its where I really started getting information that actually gave me the knowledge I needed to find the right treatment for my daughter, as well as the emotional support to keep going.
    Your book-tremendous resource.
    Yes, your life is more than this issue-and you must take good care of that part of you. But, know that this blog is important.

  4. I read your blog every day. Even though my daughter has recovered, it gives me information and access to resources that will be useful if she ever relapses. And it's a place I recommend to other families who are currently helping their loved ones beat these illnesses. I haven't seen anything else like it anywhere.

  5. Your latest Huffington post has "gone viral" - I suspect that it has offended many - good, don't let the b*%%ers get you down. Keep up the good work.

  6. Oh Laura, I understand all that you say and you so deserve a life more private and quieter; you have done so much for so many of us and we are so grateful. I am sorry that you have been wounded; how I wish I could change that. Know that you are something pretty special and there are many of us who appreciate all that you do. You have my lifelong esteem and gratitude for your strength of character, your eloquence, your grace and serenity even under fire, your intellect and your writing, your ability to make a difference and for saving my daughter's life. I hope that now is not the time for the end game for you because you bring so much to the table but when you decide that it is we will, I'm sure, reluctantly and regretfully, support you in that decision too.

    In the meantime, I echo, wholeheartedly, Marcella's sentiments also so eloquently expressed.

    Erica (B)

  7. {{{hugs}}} I know not taking the negative stuff personally is easier said than done, but it's true! Your blogging really is important to us parents who are dealing with ED issues.

  8. Unselfish and noble actions are the most radiant pages in the biography of souls.
    - David Thomas

    How others repond to your work, writings, doesn't diminish the importance of the fantastic work you are doing on behalf of others.
    I hope the rewards will outway the very real costs you have endured.
    You are a hero to my family for leading the way in the fight for effective treatment.
    Hang in there!!

  9. Why blog/comment/post/twitter/facebook/respond/show up/engage/reach out/network?

    Because you want so much to see positive changes and you feel passionately about it. Because it is the morally and ethically right thing to do. Because after a life changing experience such as you're family had doing nothing just didn't seem like an option. And because you have the intelligence, the wit, the caring and the ability to use words so well and so logically to explain and persuade.

    Even with all these gifts, Laura, change happens slowly for those that are impatient for it (and there is nothing wrong with what you want--there is everything RIGHT).

    I believe you DO acknowledge the good that is going on in the 'world of ED treatment and research'. I believe you ARE very aware that most people are well-meaning.

    But, as a fellow parent that also experienced confusion, contradiction and was kept away from my sick teen, I DO know what you are talking about. This does need to change. The ED world needs to hear this; there was already one person in my family needing to get well; we didn't need to create additional illness through a burden of blame or guilt.

    Part of us is angry and doesn't feel nice about what happened to us or our families in our attempt to get help. We can choose to use that anger to seek change for the good.

    Maybe this isn't an apt comparison, but leaders of any sort have had similar highs and lows. I am thinking of Martin Luther King and all that he wrote so passionately about...I know he had his moments of deep discouragement where he thought real, lasting change would never come. But, it has.

    Laura, two things: it is okay and it is normal for you to feel down and discouraged at times when you seek change. Anyone who so publicly takes a stand runs this risk and most experience it.

    And it is okay for you to take a break if you decide you need it.

  10. Hi Laura,
    I've always thought it was wonderful that you do all this so other families don't have to go through what you've gone through! And I for one have been a mom who appreciated the he** out of your efforts!

    I want you to take care of yourself and put on your own oxygen mask for sure! But, I think you've made a real difference for people touched by ed and their families. At the end of your days, you can feel really proud of your very meaningful life. I hope I can feel the same someday....


  11. Laura, remember that "if you're not catching flak, you're not over the target." Guess your navigation skills are right on!

    If it weren't for you, Laura, and your Around The Dinner Table forum and FEAST, my daughter probably woudn't be alive right now. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for all that work you do and putting yourself "out there" in hostile territory.

  12. because those who react harshly to your words, are some of the people who you have effected the most. Some people cannot handle the truths that you present. I have always found that when a person reacts adversely to what you are saying when you are only speaking the truth, that you have probably struck a nerve within them because they do know what you are saying to be true. Because you do this for yourself as much as you do it for all of us....Because you do make a difference....and because you are a very loving person seeking to love, understand, share, and relate and just so happen to know how to do so very effectively.

    This is why we all appreciate you...because we know that you are taking a chance and becoming vulnerable for the sake of others and we appreciate you.

    I myself have had adverse reactions on occasion to points you have made however only because you made me think and feel, and address issues that were hard to think about.

    You teach and share and educate the world on the topic of eating disorders, one of the most secretive, and little understood medical mental conditions being addressed in the world today, and as such are subject to the judgment of others, but they wouldn't bother to comment unless your words had hit home in some way.

    I hope you continue and i hope you feel better.

  13. Laura,

    When I get pummeled from negativity and misunderstanding, I have to remind myself that I'm not blogging to be liked. I'm blogging because I don't know what else to do. I'm blogging because I think I have something to say.

    And so do you.

  14. Your blog provides a rational, humane non-judgemental space to find information, narratives and 'Oh yeah' moments for me. I like the way you sparkle with curiosity, compassion and indignation. I like the way you include detailed scientific evidence side by side with on-the ground -experience as both valuable places to find answers and support.
    Laura this is a pradigm shift you and those who research and advocate like you both inside and outside the prefessional world are fighting for. A shift against both the complacency of long held (ineffective) medical practice and beliefs and wider cultural assumptions and misrepresentations of the body and health. I can understand how frustrating and disheartening and tiring it must often be. You didn't ask to be a champion of this fight.
    And reflecting on that is crucial to avoid burn out like many community advocates before you.
    All I can say is do what your gut tells you (its done well so far) and remeber having a rest is not the same as giving up.
    Having said that I'd miss your blog terribly.

  15. Hi Laura

    I couldn't access the page that you refer to in this post, so I'm not sure what has been said...

    Whatever the situation, people should never be rude or unkind to individuals like you who are dedicated to doing good in the world....

  16. ((((Laura)))))

    I have no doubt you'll remember why you're doing this soon. People can be so cruel to one another. In times like this, I usually end up thinking, "What does their cruelty say about them? It's not really about me. So either they're scared by this, hurting, ignorant...[fill in the blank]."

    But yeah, I first have to sit with the pain of the attack and nurse my wound.

    With love,

  17. from my perspective:

    you got into this role to be a voice for your daughter.
    you continue it for other people's daughters.

  18. Why not fish for support? People who have a loved one with an eating disorder need support!!

  19. Hey Laura,
    I am just catching up after a whirlwind weekend. My d just had her Bat Mitzvah. She led services on Friday and Saturday. She read Torah, chanted her Maftir and Haftorah and gave a speech. She looked beautiful and was calm and poised. Two years ago we were on the verge of admitting her to the hospital. Today, she is recovered. Because of you. Because I found your site and realized I could do this. I could save my child's life. Thank you.

  20. I will treasure this, all of this. Thank you so much.


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