Doctor? No.

With eating disorders, where we can reliably expect three different opinions for every four clinicians - there is peril in blowing with the wind of each consultation. As I spend my days trying to convince families to do their own research, choose their clinicians carefully, be an active part of the team ... I sometimes do want to shake shoulders and say "Snap Out of It!" like Cher in Moonlighting.

I know, not all parents can or will or should. But this really resonated for me:

"Whenever parents want a doctor to tell their kid what to do, you can be pretty sure they’ve lost faith in themselves and overestimated the power of communication/a medical degree....the doctor doesn’t have more power than the parents, no matter how powerless the parents feel"

Doctor? No. | f*ck feelings


  1. Laura, I strongly support your thinking but I want to say that it really sucks to be perceived as a think I know it all controlling bitch, which is much of what happens when a women tries to be proactive with her or her families care. It is not limited to mental health either. Even my husband who is an intelligent passive man cannot believe the lack of basic care or treatment doctors and professionals provide without a proactive patient or families. In their defense, without a strong informed patient, doctors are gravely lacking in their ability to assess and treat in today's brief exam times. But I have found that while I make a great effort o make sure the doctor or professional I'm dealing with understands I am not paying doctor nor do I want to undermine their knowledge, more importantly, I need their knowledge and understanding of their plan and care to ensure the success of our care.
    As a healthcare professional myself, I have learned the value of patent education and questions that allow a person to feel safe and comfortable with their care and become the best patients. And their gratitude to the relatively small time it takes to explain and listen to patient concerns is overwhelming.
    So yes, I whole hearteningly agree that we must be proactive in our care.

  2. So with you on this - and you're right it isn't just mental health care.

    Sometimes we have to channel our inner mamabear b*&^% and allow ourselves to risk being disliked, and it's difficult. I struggle to find my way between appropriately deferring and annoyingly assertive all the time, still!

  3. Can I get an AMEN! The problem is that people don't go to see you because they know all the answers. They come because they need help. It gets incredibly frustrating to see some situations, but if we sit in judgment, that does no good, because #1 they won't come back, #2 the patient stays sick, #3 it violates our oath to do no harm. If our own doctors treated us that way in our time of need we'd be hurt. Even the best parent can feel demoralized in a situation, if they confide in us, we need to lift them up. Yes, if people seem unable to do so, it gets trying, but we have to make that effort.

  4. and please don't forget the wonderful (note sarcasm) experience of having the doctor lecture/reprimand/yell at your young adult/adult child for "not using his/her coping skills". it makes us feel so much better about ourselves! :P i repeat, "I DID NOT CHOOSE THIS DISEASE!"

  5. I have to say that I love dr lastn*me. F*ck feelings! he makes a great of sense tone. Practical tools for survival.


Post a Comment

Popular Posts