B's thoughts

B made a comment on my post last night that makes a beautiful post of its own - thank you, B!

The effects of this disease are so amazingly complex but I was not surprised when I read the abstract.

I'm about 10 pounds above my anorexic weight and (now) I can see that I did all of these things:

Magical thinking, anosognosia, social withdraw & isolation, obsession with food, black and white thinking, personification of Eds, lack of concentration, fear of making mistakes, need to please people, (this list does not even include all the physical effects).

Slowly, with weight restoration, the effects have lessened but I still can't gauge my size. (I am a terrible driver.)

There was one time, when I was 90 (**I think she means in the 90s), I turned too quickly and got a glimpse of myself in the mirror. The indents and hollows, freaked me out but I couldn't hold on to the image.

I guess that's part of the reason that I didn't stop. We don't body check to be vain, we honestly just Can't See It.

(I was not surprised when I read the older research that said that people with anorexia don't feel reward when they taste water with sugar.)

Not only could I not gauge my size, but food still doesn't really have a taste.

I wonder if it ever gets better?

BTW, parents or caregivers using reason or logic to try to get us to gauge our size does not work.

It just made me feel paranoid and DUMB because my brain couldn't grasp the concept.

I overcompensated by trying to be smart with calorie planning and being the best at starving myself.


Why does it take scientist so long to put out this research?

I use to sing along to Silverchair's lyrics (Distorted eyes when everything is clearly dying) since the 90's. But even then, I knew that this wasn't and couldn't just be the effects of a psychological problem.

I can pretty much guess the outcome to that Bulimia study below.



  1. I made a comment too, did you receive it?

  2. I just found a bunch of posts that were in the spam folder from the past week or so - I think I restored everything now!

  3. LOL - I wasn't spamming you Laura!

  4. I know - but a shocking number of Russians and people selling odd products certainly ARE lately. YOU I welcome!


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