Is it Mother's Day if your kid hates you? on the weekly "Laura & Friends Coffee Hour" I knew we'd taken on a tough topic: that fear that our kids will hate us for what we're doing to support them to recovery from their eating disorders.

After all, with most problems and illnesses, we're on the same side with our sons and daughters, the patients. They don't want to be unwell, and we want to help, and as hard as it might be to fight, the fight is together against the same thing. But with eating disorders we are often not only asking very unwelcome things of our loved one, we're having to face down anger that we're trying."I hate you" is not uncommon. And for a loving parent, that is really hard stuff. Not that it changes what we have to do, but it adds a layer of pain. We instinctively want our love to be reciprocated and appreciated. We want our concern to be seen as loving and appropriate, not abusive or coercive. We want to be on the same side.

And on Mother's Day these concerns are especially poignant. It's a day when the cards may be cheesy and the potholders less than glamorous, but the gesture is about love. Many moms won't be getting a card or even a smile this year because they are in the middle of care-giving a loved one who is not feeling loved or loving.

For all the moms out there who aren't getting a card this year, keep going. Next year's card will be the sweeter for being both genuine and from a space of recovery. the moms who not only don't get a day off from cooking but have to cook and serve an unwilling diner, keep going. One day you'll sit down to a meal that is not only not fraught but actually fun.

For moms who are feeling afraid, sad, disappointed, resentful, isolated, exhausted.... you are not alone. It gets better. You're doing the hardest job in the world, but one that ONLY MOMS CAN DO.

"When going through hell; KEEP GOING!"

And moms? A sense of humor is the best revenge!


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