That's horrible to have to go through that at such a young age, but that's really amazing what she said after going through all that. I can't imagine how hard that would be on her, as well as her family.
I personally think that we need more definitions of what 'control' means to people with EDs. Many people with AN say that their ED is 'about' control. I certainly said that and I meant it. But with hindsight I can see that (unfortunately) what I meant by 'control' was (and has been) misinterpreted by others.
By 'control' I meant that I desperately needed my environment and my existence to be predictable. This was something I felt from being a small child, long before AN. I thrived on routine; struggled without it. Change caused me to feel terribly anxious.
When I was deeply immersed in AN my existence was tightly controlled by (restrictive) eating and exercise rituals. When people 'interfered' with those rituals I felt desperately out of control - of my anxiety. But I had no desire to control other people, even if that is how my behaviours appeared, and were (mis)interpreted (because I resisted change and became angry at others who intervened for my own wellbeing).
I still believe that for some people, of which I was one, ED behaviours ARE 'about' control - but that control is of anxiety associated with change; NOT a wish to exert control over other people.
yes, Cathy, my daughter has AN and I can agree with what you are saying. Controlling anxiety but not controlling in the sense that lay people think about it-not trying to control others' thoughts and opinions. Just finding a way to manage anxiety by creating a sense of order. My daughter also has ADHD and order and structure are very big for her-she really can't handle not knowing what will happen in a day, strange foods, etc., it's about controlling her anxiety not wanting to be in charge of everything in life....
That's horrible to have to go through that at such a young age, but that's really amazing what she said after going through all that. I can't imagine how hard that would be on her, as well as her family.
ReplyDeleteI personally think that we need more definitions of what 'control' means to people with EDs. Many people with AN say that their ED is 'about' control. I certainly said that and I meant it. But with hindsight I can see that (unfortunately) what I meant by 'control' was (and has been) misinterpreted by others.
ReplyDeleteBy 'control' I meant that I desperately needed my environment and my existence to be predictable. This was something I felt from being a small child, long before AN. I thrived on routine; struggled without it. Change caused me to feel terribly anxious.
When I was deeply immersed in AN my existence was tightly controlled by (restrictive) eating and exercise rituals. When people 'interfered' with those rituals I felt desperately out of control - of my anxiety. But I had no desire to control other people, even if that is how my behaviours appeared, and were (mis)interpreted (because I resisted change and became angry at others who intervened for my own wellbeing).
I still believe that for some people, of which I was one, ED behaviours ARE 'about' control - but that control is of anxiety associated with change; NOT a wish to exert control over other people.
yes, Cathy, my daughter has AN and I can agree with what you are saying. Controlling anxiety but not controlling in the sense that lay people think about it-not trying to control others' thoughts and opinions. Just finding a way to manage anxiety by creating a sense of order. My daughter also has ADHD and order and structure are very big for her-she really can't handle not knowing what will happen in a day, strange foods, etc., it's about controlling her anxiety not wanting to be in charge of everything in life....
ReplyDelete