Is this "Food Police" week, or what?


I hate the term "Food Police." And I wear it with pride.

This week I'm hearing it a lot: as a condescending slur on parents who are using the Family-Based Maudsley approach - some of the the hardest and most heroic parenting ever. They're talking about it on the Around the Dinner Table forum, on the Dr. Phil show, and the comments are on fire on my new Huffington Post blog.

I carry a sheriff's badge when I go to ED events and point to it whenever I hear the "Well, you don't want to be the Food Police..." or "It only makes them worse" kind of comment. I don't think those who use this phrase have any idea how infuriating and disheartening it sounds to us. Though some are taking a stand, finally, against it.

To carry on the police analogy, there is a big donut hole in this thinking. Nobody goes to bed hungry at treatment centers, I notice, but that's okay at home with your parents. And make no mistake: patients at home are policed by ED, and inpatient by nurses. Patients are told to "use your skills" at home, and parents are told to let them. This makes food optional at home, and home unsafe. Is it any wonder that patients grow contemptuous and angry?

Do patients need to be in charge to recover? Yes, but the time for that is when they CAN, and DO. And treatment that allows a patient to steep in malnutrition one meal longer than they need to is treatment that gives ED a badge and a baton and a gun stronger than any caliber talking you want to put up as a defense.

To bring it back to Dr. Phil, whose show on bulimia brought forth a wave of anguish on the part of many parents I know, "How's that working for us?"

Not very well. Early and assertive intervention is the only known way to stop this illness in its tracks. Calling parents the Food Police is, effectively, a way for ED to get control of our children until their chances of recovery are slim. The policing, it strikes me, needs to be of treatment that is ineffective and those who insist on offering it and not telling parents there are alternatives. That's a swat team I'm willing to join.
** A grateful shout out to Mamame - the lyrics queen and lead deputizer of Food Police.

Comments

  1. Words can hurt and shame already bewildered, frightened families. This phrase, which was used with us also, must go.

    While we are at it, I'd like to ditch another phrase as well..."it's not about the food". Well, why isn't it about the food? That's like saying to an alcoholic "It's not about the alcohol", to a drug addict, "It's not about cocaine." There may be initial genetic vulnerabilities, or environmental triggers, etc. that precipitate falling into the grip of a disorder. But to let the 'substance' off the hook is to ignore a huge, crucial and very central factor that maintains an illness, the abuse/misuse of which prevents recovery and asks loved ones to turn a blind eye in assisting their loved one back to health.

    Crazy thinking, I think. So, while we are at it, can we add another slogan to the police badge, "Guess what! It really IS about food! And families CAN do something about it"

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  2. A police officer has a duty to protect the innocent. No one is to blame when ED attacks.

    We can use our "police" whistles to warn other parents about ineffective treatment. I'd like to write a few tickets for those who are driving antique cars with our kids in the back seat with bumper stickers that say "no parents allowed". They need to get off the road because they are slowing down the progress on ED recovery road!

    They need to enroll in the new ED driver courses, aka Maudsley.

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  3. sticks and stones...shame on them

    I'm not into law enforcement but I do believe in loving our children enough to help them through this in any way we can. Some are fighters. You are right. Treatment centers set firm boundaries or at least the good ones do. They know that food is essential to restoring health.
    Dr. Phil ain't afraid of tough love and I don't follow him enough to know his opinion. I can only assume that it's ignorance if he's slamming the surest way to recover, nutrition for the mind too sick to know what it needs, and a parent stepping up to insist their child eat.
    Stay strong Laura! It was never about who's right..it's about beating a nasty disease in a timely manner.
    And this is why much of today's medicine fails us, imo.

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  4. I think food police, in its derogatory way, can't refer to the kind of steady, constant push for proper nutrition.

    When too many feelings/frustrations/concessions are made over food, then it's 'policing' in a negative way. I think the maudsley method is great-- and I think if you can get the child to be on board with the parents as a 'treatment provider' the child can be afforded the same 'protection' from the ED as she was in the hospital.

    I think food police is sticky & awful when it's not a constant thing. When it's more like, you have to eat dinner w/your family once in a while, and then they fuss over it, you get into a power struggle, you/ed against them, etc etc.... but the kind of zero tolerance treatment approach can't possibly be categorized with that sort of occasional meltdown.

    Studies have shown that early interventions with autism are more effective if they're provided by a trained parent than if they're provided by a mental health worker. I don't know why it's easier for people to accept that than it is here-- maybe because of the age difference?

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  5. Very well said, Laura, as usual. I say, "Yay for the food police." If my parents had been the food/purging police when I was first diagnosed and living in their home, I might not have suffered for so long with my eating disorder.

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  6. I AM BULIMIC SINCE FOREVER. I TOLD MY HUSBAND AS WE WERE DATING SOME EIGHT YEARS AGO. NOW WE HAVE BEEN MARRIED, BOTH OF US FOR THE FIRST TIME AND WE HAVE A GREAT MARRIAGE. MY HUSBAND IS A GREAT MAN AND WORKS VERY HARD. WE DON’T HAVE KIDS (OUTSIDE OR INSIDE THE MARRIAGE) BUT WE’LL LIKE TO HAVE JUST ONE IN THE FUTURE.

    THE OTHER NIGHT I HAD A HUGE URGE TO VOMIT AFTER DINNER, HE REALIZED AND STOOD BY THE BATHROOM DOOR PREVENTING ME FROM VOMITING. HE BEGUN TO CALM ME DOWN BY HOLDING ME AND TALKING ME OUT OF NOT GOING TO THE BATHROOM AND VOMIT WHAT WE JUST HAD FOR DINNER. MY HUSBAND IS A COP, HE IS GOOD AT TALKING PEOPLE OUT OF BAD SITUATIONS. THAT NIGHT, MY HUSBAND GOT ME INTO BED AND CALM ME DOWN AS I CRIED AND CRIED. I TOLD HIM THAT IT WAS BOTHERING ME INSIDE AND IT WAS HURTING ME; AND HE IN A CALM TONE OF VOICE SAID TO ME: IT HURTS BECAUSE IT NEED TO BE EXPRESSED OUT AND MAYBE WITH A HELP OF A THERAPIST IT CAN HELP YOU OR HELP ME TO HELP YOU TO VOMIT IT, BUT IN WORDS INSTEAD, AND ADDED: SOMETHING IS BOTHERING YOU INSIDE AND WE NEED TO DEAL WITH IT. THAT NIGHT, HE CONTINUE TOUCHING MY HAIR SOFTLY UNTIL I FALL ASLEEP. IN THE MORNING, AS WE WERE HAVING BREAKFAST HE ASKED ME HOW I WAS FEELING AND STATED THAT IT WAS TIME FOR ME TO START THERAPY, I ASK HIM IF I AGREE TO HELP, IF HE COULD COME WITH ME AND HE SAID: "OF COURSE I'LL BE THERE BY YOUR SIDE ALL THE STEP OF THE WAY." HE ALSO ASSURED ME THAT HE MAY NOT BE ABLE TO AGREE IN EVERYTHING I WANTED, IMPLYING, THROWING UP, BUT HE WILL GIVE ME TOUGH LOVE IF THAT IS NECESSARY FOR ME TO OVERCOME MY EATING DISORDER.
    I THINK THAT HE HAS DONE THAT YESTERDAY BY NOT LETTING ME THROW UP. I FEEL THAT MY HUSBAND GETS TOUGH WITH ME WHEN I WANT TO VOMIT OR DO NOT WANT TO TALK ABOUT THE BULIMIA ORDEAL. HE BEGINS BY ASKING QUESTIONS LIKE: WHAT IS BOTHERING RIGHT NOW? WHY ARE YOU WANTING TO THROW UP? HE ASSURES HIMSELF THAT IT’S LEARN BEHAVIOR THAT CAN BE UNLEARNED WITH THERAPY OF COURSE.

    I LIKE TO HAVE MY HUSBAND AWARE THAT I SUFFER FROM BULIMIA, BECAUSE HE IS A GREAT DEAL OF HELP AS IS.

    THANK YOU FOR LETTING ME EXPRESS MY THROUGHTS.

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  7. Anonymous,

    What a beautiful, beautiful description of your relationship and your hopes. Your husband IS the police in more than one sense of the word!

    Have you seen the UCAN program now under way at UNC? You may find it encouraging that there is more work going on now to train spouses and to help couples dealing with this. Here's a link:
    http://www.psychiatry.unc.edu/eatingdisorders/research%20eating%20disorders/ucan/eligibility

    That program is about AN, but still, we need more of this!

    Sending warm, grateful, and encouraging thoughts your way - hoping that the two of you get EXPERT help TOGETHER to bring you into safety and health.

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  8. Thank you so much for your kind wishes; I did got the helped needed got better and now we have had a beautiful baby-girl together about a year ago.

    But it was tough at the time, specially when I had to be admitted into the hospital and being hook-up to an IV against my will and with my husband's (the cop) consented. I was convinced that he did not love me, but now I know better and that was "the TOUGH LOVE" he was talking about, and I m glad now that he used "tough love" to show me how much he loved me!

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