Roots and wings

The sport of chiding parents for being too involved with their their children annoys me. The snide undertone to all the "enmeshment" and "helicopter parenting" talk is really: "you're limiting your child's independence."

Nonsense. This let-them-go sensibility is peculiarly modern and flies in the face of human social history. Strong families and familial connections are a good thing.

But it never hurts to be reminded:
"Close Families Raise More Independent Adults"

(thank you, Chris, for sharing this link!)


  1. Great article, Laura and Chris! Thanks for sharing it.

  2. Yet another parent just wrote in accused, by her d's T, of hovering over her 15yr. old anorexic daughter.
    The poor mom feels so awful and guilty. Here her daughter needs that hovering more than if she were well. Sheesh.
    I love when a therapist sees their job as a guide and a challenger of sorts. Do you know how many I'd fire if I had the power to do so? Lots of them....cept for Carrie's and others like her. That's a T who could teach others!
    I really didn't need the research as I hate being defensive of what's our right. Still, it's good stuff! Thank you.

  3. I really hope my mom sees this.

    I needed (still do) that closeness because I just wasn't ready emotionally to be as independent as a lot of my peers. I usually call home at least once a day, sometimes more if my kitty is being particularly cute.

    I think many therapists confuse inappropriate hovering with the helpful kind. Sorry, but when you kid is ill with a deadly disease, you hover. I do it with my cat! I also know of people whose parents hover too much- but they also don't have EDs.

    And yes, Mary- We need clones of Stephanie. Or at least a way to make her into one of those little pocket pals. :)

  4. Laura,
    You have no idea how much I appreciate this article. It hits very close to home.
    Yes, I'm so glad to read something positive about close families, for a change, too.

    Stephanie really is "priceless". She is the first therapist who made me feel like I was part of the solution and not part of the problem. Family based treatment worked for us...Carrie is proof of that.

    I love the quote from the article:

    It seems that not only can independence and closeness exist together, but they actually flourish together," summarized Dr. Yanir.


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