Mom, It's Not Your Fault

My friend, Jenni Schaefer, has offered a Mother's Day gift to her mom and to all of us:

Mom, It's Not Your Fault

I know this essay and video will be a comfort to so many moms out there who are struggling with guilt and paralysis. It is time for moms to set down the guilt and get back to being moms. Supporting a loved one through eating disorder treatment is one of the hardest tasks we can do, but also a role that no one else can do with the dedication and bravery that we can.

Recovered patients like Jenni and my own dear daughter inspire me every day - they are who we are fighting for!


  1. That's a lovely post. Although it makes me feel guilty for my mum. I'm glad she doesn't know the extend of my ED
    Gecko x

  2. Gecko,

    Let go of your guilt if you can, and let your mom in. We may not understand at first and we may not be perfect but love and information can make us a powerful ally!

  3. What a great article by Jenni :)

    I have told my mother repeatedly that she is the best Mum in the world (well, she is my mother so I am biased :P).

    Mother's Day in the UK is in March..

    I read Jenni's book, which I enjoyed. She offers some great tips, but I found her experiences of EDs difficult to identify with, because, as she describes in her book and this newspaper article, her ED was linked to culture and body image played a big role.

    In contrast, my experiences of AN had little to do with body image or culture. I didn't starve myself because I thought I was fat, or because I wanted to be very thin, or because I felt pressured by our culture. Thinness was a 'side-effect' of compulsive behaviours linked to mood regulation and my innate craving for routines.

    Happy Mother's Day for all the mothers in the USA!

  4. Thank you Jenni and Happy Mother's Day to all the moms out there. If you are reading this on Mother's Day, you are a great mom!!!! If you are reading it after Mother's Day you are a great mom!
    Cathy, striving to be thin is only present for some. Others know they are too thin (to the point of feeling ugly for being too thin) and can't stop.

  5. M.B. Yes, I agree that striving to be thin is ony present for some people with EDs. Thanks for emphasising this. I have had so much difficultly over the years trying to convince people that I didn't restrict food and over-exercise because of body mage issues.

    I knew how skeletal I looked with a BMI of 13 - 16, and I tried to cover my body up so that neither I nor others could see it. However, I still felt compelled to engage in anorexic behaviours, because it was the behaviours themselves that made me feel better; not their effects on my body size, shape or weight.

  6. I saw that too. Love it. It's an important message.


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